Almighty and everlasting God, increase in us the gifts of faith, hope, and charity; and, that we may obtain what you promise, make us love what you command; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.
This is the collect this week and it seems so appropriate for what I need to hear. Increase the gifts of faith, hope and charity. I have had such a lack of faith over the last few weeks and have found myself all out of sorts, which of course leads to a lack of hope and sadly, if you asked a few of my friends and patients, a lack of charity.
Here's the thing, my job cut back on how they pay us for extra work. My boat got rocked. Okay, there I said it. To those that don't have a job or work for less than I do, I'm so sorry I whined. Because I shouldn't. I have a wonderful job and God has richly blessed me. What is really sad though is how I found myself reacting. "I'm not going to blah blah blah." Really, REALLY!!!! Because truth be told I like what I do, I like where I work, and I want to excel at what I do. So this attitude problem needs to go away.
It's a lack of faith. God has always provided. Okay, I'm not a trust fund kid, but I honestly don't think I would do that well. I would like to be less concerned about paying our bills but God has been more than faithful. Where does this come from?
Then that must also extend beyond just money, because it's not about money. It's about contentment in where God has placed me. My Lord, who loves me more than I will ever understand, has put me where I am, to interact with the people I do for a reason. To perfect me. To round off those edges. To build my faith. To humble me. Sometimes to call me out when I need it. One new person there, in his quietness, has made me rethink many of my words and actions. I'm still so full of myself, and myself is not who I long to be.
My question to those of you who have been so faithful to read these and respond is to please tell me how you overcome these times of lack of faith. Please be real about your answers, in that I know I'm not the only one that does this. Is it reading more in the word, is it in worship (which for me is where I really see a difference), what is it that keeps you going? I have really appreciated all the responses I've had to this, because I've come to find out I'm not the only one that feels like a failure in the kingdom. (Not calling you guys losers, just me, but it does help to know that others struggle in their walk and it's not just me).
And please know, it really wasn't about the money. I think what happens is I "have it all figured out." I'm going to do this, work this much, then I'll do this...." and sometimes God yanks my chain to remind me that He is above my plans. Many times I think God is much more interested in our reaction than our action.
Breta
