Go and Sin No More

I belong to a Bible Study with a group of people from my church. They are all very nice people, all very strong Christians. This is one of those posts where I need to work out my thoughts, so if I ramble, I'm sorry. I got a bit frustrated the other night and finally just had to leave. I needed to go anyway, but it hit the point that I had to go to maintain my sanity. I might have been rude, I hope not, but it was close.

So there were a couple of things. One is that I don't read much Christian literature. Fiction or non-fiction. Used to, a lot. Now I don't. I don't know who the authors are (well, the children have indoctrinated me in Piper and a few others) and I don't really care to know. If you know me, you know I can tell you about all kinds of other literature. I've found that overall I'm content to read the scripture without a lot of explanation. Maybe I should, maybe I would be better with it, but oh well. So all of these people read a lot of Christian stuff, one actually works in the area of publishing. They talk the talk, they know the books and films, and I'm usually fine with that. But this particular night they were planning things and we should do this and read this and study this and show this film (oh, have you seen it??? HA, never heard of it and at the time didn't really care). I was soooo left out. My own fault, I guess maybe I should immerse myself into it, but I don't want to. So maybe my insecurities came out a bit making the second thing seem even bigger.

Again, let me say, these are very nice people that several of them are in ministry - a ministry devoted to the family. They are all solid people. I am not in any way bashing them. I don't want that to come across. So, our church is involved with some homeless people and one of the women has been telling us about this couple. The man and woman are not married, and there is a child by another man. The woman is not yet divorced from the child's father. Somehow, these people have come to live here and have recently accepted the Lord. They have come into contact with our church. I don't know if they are attending or not but that hasn't been like a requirement for people to be helped. The group that night was to hear specific needs and decide how much help we could give them. And let me just say, there are a lot of needs, not just financial.

In the discussion about what needs there were, it was asked if there was any hope of restoring the marriage of the woman to the other man. And they discussed it. And they discussed the fact that they were having a hard time helping them because they were living together. This is where I have a hard time. I understand that these people are not doing it right. And maybe they should not be living together, but so far I'm not seeing that God has convicted them about it. They are new Christians (hopefully) and not really aware of all the rules. Yes, we all know you aren't supposed to do that, but I'm sure there are plenty of other things they need to focus on. Like just following for now. And while I understand the questions these people have, I keep going back to the woman that was about to be stoned. When Jesus was asked what they should do, he knelt on the ground and began to write. When he finished, they all had left. He told the woman to go and sin no more. He didn't discuss specific lifestyle changes, he didn't make her stand in front of the church and confess to being a prostitute. He accepted her as she was and went on. Go and sin no more. Neither did he give her a list of her sins that she needed to change to be accepted.

I know who I am and what I have done in my life. I know I'm a bit! judgmental, I know that I have and have done many things. I really don't want them exposed. Some things I have come to grips with and can laugh about, and some I can't. Some I never speak of, and may never. Would I be accepted by these same people if they knew my heart? This is why most church people make me have panic attacks. Why so many churches I can't even imagine being part of. And it's not just me. My gay friends, I know they are in sin, they know it. One day they will need a safe haven, and I want to have one for them. It is the least of these that we must love and care for.

I don't want to judge my friends, I just wanted to scream that we can't fix those things, we must meet them where they are. And maybe they came to that conclusion after I left. Maybe there were there and I was so blinded by my prejudice that I couldn't see it. And I haven't offered to do anything for the couple yet. Trying to figure out what I can offer. And seeking God about that. Because if I do, I want it to be a full commitment and not just a feel good, yeah I'll do it.

Sigh.

I had a rape victim this week. You know, she made a mistake. But she didn't ask for what she got. She was such a sweet girl, and yes, I hugged her. She has a good mom that will help her, but it's going to be rough. This is one I could see going to court, and I hope it does.

So how do I handle it? How can I work with that? Because as she was getting her exam, I had the privilege of making it less traumatic. She's a reader, we talked books. We explored which is the better writer: Rowling or Meyers? We talked about her future. We left the room so to speak while the doctor did his job. I held her hand, and I remember being 16 and stupid. I would hope that it's not held against me forever.

I thought about her this morning in church, and prayed for her. I hope that healing will come to her one day. I hope many things for the swine that did this to her (maybe I need to repent of that). But mostly I wish I could hug her again, and tell her that I really do care.

That's how I do the tough things at work.

It was a good day.

Went to work for a day at my old job. Now I'm doing Emergency but this was a day of critical care. The neat thing about going back is that sometimes you are better than you were. Maybe it's because you aren't tired of the same of thing, maybe it's a fresh perspective, who knows. It was a great day. Nothing went wrong, got to see old friends, a good day.

I told my husband when I got home, it was good. I had a man that had just had a heart attack and gone to the cath lab. Got him out of bed, shaved, cleaned up. He was going to stay there a few days but he was content. There were a few things I brought to the docs attention, just little things.

Then there was this older lady. I helped get her to a lower oxygen need, spent a lot of time talking with her family, working on some things that would help them at home. She loved to talk, I spent a lot of time in there feeding her and listening to her. A lot of time. But it was okay. My only day there, I had nothing more important to do. Just to listen. It was a good day. Her son that didn't come to visit called twice, talked to him a long time as well.

Today I talked to a friend that works there, this lady died suddenly yesterday. Said it was a bad code, unexpected. All I could think about was all that time I listened to her talk, and I was so glad that there was nothing more important that day. No one knew she only had two days to live. But she was the most important thing I had that day. And it was a good day.