Christmas - a bit late

I haven't written in forever. See, one of the child units got married and I've been a bit busy. We are very excited, love the girl. There was no loss involved. He will continue to grow as a man and we have gained a new member of the family. I'm excited.

Tonight we did Christmas, yes, late. There was no tree, no decorations. The house is still recovering from the blessings of the showers and all the other gifts that were given. There was no room for decorations. However, I don't think we could have been more joyous! The youngest was probably the funniest, but then, there was competition. Two gifts were rigged with explosives, but then you weren't sure after that first one. The neglected middle child wrapped a gift in a duck tape, with pictures drawn on. All in all it was great fun. We gave them gifts from their childhood: chocolate for chocolate milk, lego's, and toy skateboards (each had money attached for clothes) and then other gifts.

That's it for now, just felt like I negected all.

Duh

So I think I've met the dumbest parents yet. I can't imagine this one being topped. The parents come in (I'm in triage) with their two week old baby. According to them, the baby had an episode earlier in the evening where "she didn't breathe for a whole minute and was as red as a tomato." Okay, plausible..... but the usual color would be blue, not red. Sadly, they kept talking. Seems the whole story is that the doctor told her that the baby was a week premature, when actually the baby was two weeks premature. (for those not in the know, this baby is fully cooked). The problem they had was that "no one assessed the baby's lungs before birth or after" and they wanted it done. They watch TLC and know that what they need is an amniocentesis. I'm sure my readers will know that they are, oh, at least two weeks late for this procedure and the lungs would have been assessed with a stethoscope (similar to what I did in front of them) prior to leaving the hospital after birth.

We admitted the baby. I think it was to protect it for a few hours but you never know. After waiting in the ER for several hours for the admission team to come, the baby's daddy got mad and said they wanted to go home. Reassurance was given, and they went to the floor shortly after. When the nurse that took them to the floor returned, she was flustered. Seems when they got there, then the daddy threw a fit to go home. DUH, you're already there...... stay awhile.

I know people get frustrated and don't realize that the wait to go to the floor in this hospital really isn't that bad. I was used to seeing some folks be in the ER a day or two at times, so a few hours to me wasn't bad. Anyway.....

Memories

Funny how they catch you off guard. Worded last night, didn't eat supper, just some pretzel goldfish (yeah, they're really good). So I went to breakfast. The hospital where I work is across the freeway from the office complex where my dad worked the whole time we lived in this state, 1965 until he retired. When I was a kid, he would sometimes take me to the office, and then we would go to lunch at the hospital cafeteria (the food was really good back then).

This morning, as the sun was new over the complex, as I sat and ate my breakfast, many memories of my dad washed over me. I have so missed them both lately. It's invaded my dreams, my waking hours....

One of my fears is that I won't be remembered for who I really am. I hope I am remembering my parents in the way they would want. I remember a lot of fun, I think of how my dad would react to the news of the day, my mom in my work. It's painful, yet peaceful.

I think I need some sleep. What I would like right now is a medically induced heavy sleep, however the best I got is Tylenol PM and herbs. I'm guessing chocolate wouldn't help.

The Problem With Boys

I love my sons, dearly. However sometimes I long for a girl. It's time for school to start and first let me remember the days when I would order the new books for the year, the workbooks, the reading books (for those out of the loop we home school). The books would come and I would thumb through them, thinking about how much fun we would have as we did the workbooks.... yes, my imagination ran away with me. Alas, these boys, each of them, their idea of "color the balloon red if it has a vowel in it" was to draw a single line of red in it. Never fully coloring the balloons, or whatever. Now, I could have "beat" them into submission, but that wasn't the point. They never liked the new stuff, they never liked school, they never liked reading. Buying school supplies for them was an exercise in "I don't care."

Today I went shopping for a few things we need for our last year of school. I wandered around the store, looking at all the really cool stuff. But every folder I looked at, well, all I could think of was that he really doesn't care what it looks like unless it looks girly, then he deeply cares.

I just don't understand, guess I never will. Maybe there will be grandchildren, girls....... but I probably won't understand them either......

*sigh*

The Bugman

So I really need to know if I'm the only one. When the bugman is scheduled to come, my house gets cleaned more than any other time. Which is sad. We really don't have bugs, well, currently there is a crop of fleas. But that's because of the cats and their inability to get rid of said fleas. Compared to what the bugman probably sees other places, we really aren't that bad.

I really liked the last bugman, he was in seminary. Don't know this new one yet. Hopefully we won't have to see too much of him. In my state it didn't get very cold this winter so the mosquitoes and fleas have been horrible this year. Actually I've seen a lot of june bugs in the house, and I don't understand that. Maybe the kids are standing at the door with it open welcoming the critters in.

Just curious. Have busted my butt today cleaning, I'm tired and grouchy now. Frankly, a glass of wine would be so nice, but it might involve me getting dressed and going out to get it. Not there yet. Oh well. There's always tomorrow......

The Bright Idea

I had an ideal. Been thinking about it for a couple of weeks. It just wouldn't go away. You know how it is, and then every time I looked at the "victim" it just seemed to get better and better in my mind.

So today was the day. Should only take a few minutes. I figured I could do it before 1) the victim caught on and 2) I ran to get my hair done.

I gathered the needed supplies. Dog/cat shampoo (purchased yesterday for the occasion), a towel, the sink was clean, the cat was caught. She was so excited, I was going to pet her. I had run about an inch of water in the sink, figuring that would be enough. I gently placed said cat into the water. That was when things began to go downhill. First, the cat said "no" then "no' louder. Now, she is declawed on the front paws, but not the back. The back legs flashing, she was able to pull the drain and get the water out. Round 1 to the cat. I suggested nicely to my spouse that maybe he could help me a bit. He really didn't want to get involved, but did grab the cellphone camera. Got the drain placed back in the sink, more water un, spouse conceded to opening the shampoo for me. Round 2: me.

Don't know if you've ever bathed a cat before (I have, wasn't this bad on the previous cat) but you kinda have to be quick. Okay, it's an understatement. Real quick. However, I needed the fleas to get bathed as well, so I tried to extend this one out some. Round 3: cat.

Next is rinsing the cat. Oh, need I add that the cat is not being still by any sense of the imagination. She is all over the sink and counter - picture a bucking bull with me having one hand on the cat and the other trying to do the washing and/ or rinsing. Many times she was totally in the air or on me while I was trying to gently return her to the sink. Round 4: me - I got her rinsed.

I stuffed her into the towel, wiped as much as I could, and put her in another room. I had not really planned on a shower, but the cat didn't quite get all of me, so I went to shower. I guess the summation would be from the hair dude: "what happened to your hair?"

The cat is still pretty mad. The other cat is hiding. I'm thinking... the other cat drinks from the commode. I may just push her in, squirt shampoo in, flush a couple of times and be done with it.

You know, I've had no energy since then, wonder why......

The Birthday

The future daughter in law was here for the weekend and we celebrated her birthday!! Cannot describe how much we love this girl, she is everything we could want for our son.

You must understand that over the years for every birthday one of my friends has been to pretty much every party. Besides the fact that we like her, she can sing Happy Birthday on key. As the boys have gotten older, we have joked about no one in our house singing the song because, well the boys are happy to have cake. Another thing is that my children are a bit, well, conservative in their emotions at home. They are happy with cake and presents and that has made it easy for me.

So Saturday at 11pm we are finally all home to eat cake and do presents (spouse and I crawled out of bed for this). So as we are standing there looking at the cake I look at DIL and say, "we pretty much don't sing Happy Birthday." Son adds a comment in about how terrible we sound at singing. She gets this look on her face, and for unknown reasons I started singing the song. I'm thinking, I'll sing the first line, we'll laugh....... Okay, again, never had girls... they are foreign creatures..... she started dancing. I was shocked, kept singing. The boys stood there staring, mouths ajar. It was awesome!!!

I love this girl. She is bringing new stuff to our life daily!!!

Ear's and Twats

Yes, I know, "How could these possibly be related?"

Here's the story: I'm doing triage in the ER. A young lady comes in and tells me all about her earache, she's in pain, 10 out of 10, blah, blah, blah. My observations: she's flat faced, no visible signs of pain (yeah, I know, we aren't supposed to go by that), never touches her ear or that side of her face, totally calm as she talks. Fortunately for her, she's there early enough we can get her back right away. When the lady helping me takes her back to the room, she comes back and tells me, "You won't believe what just happened!! I took her back there, they pulled back the curtain and she then says, "Oh, I need to be checked for an STD." Seems the doc overheard and was none to pleased. I mean, that really doesn't constitute an emergency.

My response.....I didn't know ears and twats were related. NOW I know to ask if you have ear pain whether your twat hurts. Geez, people.

Do Your Job

When you go into healthcare there is one thing that we all know will happen at some point or another. We will have to pee in the cup. It may be for the initial job screening, it may be random, or it may be *gasp* because some idiot lost the narcotic (and yes, that idiot could be me, but it wasn't).

So this facility didn't seem to know what to do when the event happened, and although I asked several times about whether or not I needed to pee for them, I was told no, "you weren't in the room." I figure, heck, they know what they are doing. I was wrong and so were they. I was awakened to be told that yes, I had to pee when I came back the next shift. I work nights, so I started drinking extra around 5am, but my last trip to the bathroom was at 3am. Employee Health opened at 7:30, I figured since so many people were having to come it would be easy to get us done. Three of us showed up, actually one got there ahead of my friend and I, she left about 7:45. There's another girl in there for something else, we tell them we are there because of the missing narcotic. I offered that I hadn't peed since 3am. They offered us water. Now, wouldn't you think they knew we were there for a pee test from that. Thirty minutes later they tell us the girl has left to go get cups for us to pee in. I can not tell you how upset I was at that point, but I was trying to not make this any worse. So after an hour (again, we should now be off work, we've been up all night, etc) the girl comes out, she's upset saying, "I had no idea you guys were here for this." I looked at here and said, "But they brought us water and we told them." She was so upset that I couldn't be mad at her.

My point is this, those people that ignored us didn't consider the fact that we had been up, that we were totally inconvienced by other people not knowing policy. And while they sitting at their desk watching TV they were keeping us from going home after 12 hour shift. Anyway, never has peeing felt so good, nor has a drug test been so easy.

Prom

Tonight my youngest goes to prom. I'm waiting for the iron to warm up to iron the shirt with his suit. This is the boy that I just didn't see him doing prom. This is the "blonde" in every sense of the word. He's meeting the girl there, I think that was a her dad thing. But he realized today (even though I warned him some time ago) that we needed to get a corsage (did I mention it was at 12:45 this afternoon). But it's done.

He's a good kid, he'll have fun. These kids are all homeschooled, but their desire to do this right is high. I was there this afternoon watching them decorate. I never did prom, so it's all new to me. But I'm glad he'll go.

My babies are growing up.

Can't Sleep

Well, I haven't written in awhile. Life has been full of real life and when I have down time I've wasted it reading and all. Okay, some of it was watching Deadliest Catch. Worked the last three nights, sleep all day Wednesday, awake most of Wednesday night. Today I have PALS and I'm sure I'll catch all of it since I haven't slept.

The new job? I love it. I think it's the inherit good nature of children. I hear all the time: I couldn't do that. But I think it's good that I can. Why? Because someone has to do it and I believe that I can make it a better experience. If not that, at least I care about them.

Yes, we have "beat your baby" and what makes people want to have sex with little ones is beyond me. But I can still show good love to the victims. It is heart breaking when the little one looks at you and you know what they've been through and then they say, "I don't like shots." The tone was flat. The nurse drawing the blood almost cried. It took nothing to hold her still, because she has been so abused. I could do it, but my first inclination was to hold her and love on her. To show her that not everyone that enters her life will abuse her. No, I didn't cry. Sometime I think I will. But the gentleness that we could give MAYBE overrode the horror in her.

Then there are the parents...... Yes, I feared them when I started. But you know, most of them just want you to help their child. They can overreact, but you calm them. You show them you care. And apparently you can't kill them for being stupid or unkind (I asked). I've asked a lot about some of these parents, but I guess we give kids out to just about anyone. It has been nice though when the parent tells you how much they appreciate the care you've given.

But the best is just being with the kids. The babies.... the toddlers....... the teens..... the tweens..... Each has their own special joy. Last night the kid was being worked up for a possible appendectomy. He could out talk any girl I've met. We were all relieved when the drugs made him sleepy, But he was curious, must have not been in the hospital before. But then there are those that know everything we're going to do to them, and they somewhat accept it. Not always. Somedays it seems like they walk (or roll) in and "the fight is on baby."

There are many stories. During the day I think about what I could write but then I'm just wiped out. So if you come to my work (and I hope you don't need to) and we're busy or short or whatever, know that we care. It's a good group that is taking care of your kids. We really do like them, and I think you can see it when we interact with them.

Sleep

I feel like a baby...... I've got my days and nights mixed up. I'm not sure what happened, each day it's been a different reason. I'm tired, can't sleep. I hate doing productive work when I can't sleep and there are other things I could be doing. I have a book I should be reading, it's due in two days. I have reading for work, I have reading for the kids school.

Last night I cuddled up with, oh this is sad, not my sleeping spouse, my stuffed disney animal and my ipod. The ipod is charging, I'm sick of TV, so methinks I'll break it back out in a minute.

Ideas? Thoughts? Yeah, I usually sleep when stressed, so either I'm stress free HA!!! or I don't know. Anyway, TV is dragging. Off to sleep? or at least listen to music.

How to Know they accept you........

I've been at the new job a few weeks now and I do love it!!!! Kids are awesome. So one of the first things that you wonder about when you take a new job is "how will I know if they like me?" Now, I've come from a place where I believe I was fairly well know and had a good amount of friends. So I was worried about the new place.

First there was the fact that my preceptor actually let me hang around him when we were at break or lunch (he also showed me the cafeteria - which was very important). You might say that "it's his job to show you those things" and that would be true, but I've worked around some folks that weren't that kind. Then there was the gradual letting me in conversations, groups didn't break up when I got close, those things. But the big clue........ they showed me the secret bathrooms! Two of them. Yes, you might wonder at this, but these are important things to know (particularly if you have a shy elimination system). Another major clue is when they start picking on you, and of course, that is so important to me.

Today / tonight I start nights. I'm nervous, but heck, I start with a bang! It's a full moon and there's going to be an eclipse!!! How awesome is that???? I'm pumped. Well, things to do........

Happiness is......

A cup of warm, smooth, hot chocolate from Starbucks on a cool day when you are cleaning house. It's in the same area as calgon, a good bottle of wine, Tootsie rolls when stressed.

As I sit here and sip on the chocolate, some of the cares of the week are melted away. Instead of the holding the baby down for the IV, I remember the 20 minutes or so of just touching the baby, calming his fears, giving him the pacifier and rejoicing in how wonderful these things are.

Simple things in life. Isn't that what makes it good. It's not the big things, it's the little things. Why do you keep going? For days I've dreamed of hot chocolate. I do wish I could like sit and read for a bit, but I'll take what I can get. Now, back to work.

Roof Fish

For anyone that reads Pearls Before Swine you will know what a Roof Fish is. For those who have not been exposed, well, I am sorry, this is one of the funniest cartoons around. Anyway, the concept is that there are these two "roof fish" that are trying to catch the other characters in the strip by luring them onto fish hooks with beer, pizza, etc. That's the background.

I'm one of those females that isn't real frilly. Now, I'm all woman, let me tell you. However, some things just allude me. I've been in church things for many years, and have been able to avoid any sort of women's retreats or such things. However we are now in a very small church and I'm kinda involved with the women. Actually I'm still not sure how that happened, but I do enjoy it.

I'm known for not really listening to all the details. I frequently say that it's a bad thing if you have my full attention. So what I heard was "come at 6:30 for pizza," what was said was, "come at 6:30 for pizza and to plan the women's retreat." There is a difference, as noted by my total shock when I ended up helping to plan this event while at the same time trying to figure out a way to NOT attend. (BTW, it will be nice, with a crafty project to book). Due to my, how can I say this, underwhleming noted shock and dismay, I will be given my own special stuff (basically undecorated book - they weren't stamping things evenly and I was horrified).

I have overcome a lot, I am now at the point where every cell in my body is NOT screaming "don't go" to a mild resistance. Fortunately the leader of this has been understanding and realizes it has nothing to do with her. I think she is somewhere between amused and stumped as to why this is. If I knew, I would tell her, however I have no clue. And now to see what else is going on.

You Know It's Bad When.....

You know it's bad when everyone in the room during the code stops, looks at you, and pretty much in unison say, "You need a shower!" because of what has just happened.

As it turns out, during my next to last week in my job I had an adventure. They called a code up on the floor, I run up there to find that this has just started. I was thrilled to see an old friend intubating, another friend from the rapid response team was also there. I was able to slip up close to the head in order to push drugs through the (thank you Jesus) central line and basically just be back up. There was a large group of people in the room, most of whom were just observing and being wall flowers. As things go it was a difficult intubation, this guy is very experienced, but sometimes you just have a patient that isn't in the best of condition, so to speak. This patient actually looked about 20 years older than he was, turned out he was a cancer patient. So what happened???? Well, my friend finally got the pt intubated and when he did, well, things spewed out of the tube that was pointed at me. I would say that the first shot nailed me pretty well, straight across the chest, but the follow up shot sealed it. We finished the code and I looked at the house supervisor and told her that I wanted to go home to shower, she was fine with it. EVERYONE in the room kept staring at me and mumbling things about "thanks for blocking me" or "you know there's a shower in the ER", nice supportive colleges these.

I did go home and shower. Sometimes these things basically come down to if you don't do it you will smell the stuff even if you change clothes. I feel like I'm going out with a bang but if nothing else the memories should be, well, memorial.

Policy, Folicy

As previously stated, I'm leaving my current job. Because of my job position, I must give four weeks notice. Fine, no problem. I even volunteered to work through Christmas when I didn't have to. I just didn't feel right about leaving my co-workers in a jam.

There is one hitch though. They pay you for 1/2 your vacation/sick/off time that you have saved up. I need that money. But if you call in during the notice time you don't get it. I understand why that policy is in place, face it, many people would just go ahead and not work. However I rarely call in. It's been over a year since the last time. And I got sick. Sore throat, yucky pus pockets visible on my throat, snot everywhere. You would be amazed how much snot a grown woman can produce. The stuff was coming out of everywhere. Then there was the coughing, sneeezing, and sadly, yes peeing under pressure!!! It was a long two days..... one patient was healthy than I was, the other didn't care (intubated and sedated). The infectious disease guy was mumbling about using lots of alcohol wash after being around me. I thought they should have called in hazmat. I have the nicest co-workers..... the guy that came in and followed me finished up my work (at least he said he would) so I could go home. Methinks he did it to get me out so they could spray the area down. I didn't care..........

Books, Open or Otherwise

The sudden desire to change jobs has caused quite an uproar amonst my friends and has led to some interesting comments. Let me give you a touch of background first: you should know that I'm in my late 40's, have only been an RN for 5 years and this was a late decision. Prior to that I had stayed home with the kids, homeschooling and well, brainwashing them. Seems I was quite successful, they are all extremely conservative. But what many do not know is that from the time I was in the 2nd grade I wanted to be an elememtary school teacher. I was three years into the program when I stopped because I was fed up with the mindset of the education people. I am pro homebirth, homeschool, and parental control. I am strong about families and children having a two parent home (okay, we all know there are some that should be split up, and I know all about abusive stuff, I'm talking about in a perfect world with semiperfect families). I believe being a daddy is the most important role a man can have and that we should help make that possible. Oh, and if I could do anything in the world for a job, I would write and edit children's books. I love their literature and will need to refresh myself with "research" for the kids on the job. You also need to know (or could be TMI) that I wear Eeyore on my stetoscope, have Eeyore undies, have Eeyore as the screen saver on my phone, Eeyore went on vacation with me, I mean, Eeyore is ever with me. When I'm stressed Eeyore snuggles with me.

So what I'm hearing at work is (well, besides abandoning my friends): you don't even like kids, I can't see you with kids, you're going to hate it...... That's the jest of what is being said. I can understand the bets on how soon before I take a parent outside and smack them, I'm in that pool.

Which now brings me to my point: we really don't know most of our friends. We only know the part of them that is presented publically. Of course, no one really knows our hearts, or if they do, it's only a small part. I suppose none of my work friends knew my past well. My new church friends don't know either of these sides, and a few of my old friends know more, but they don't know my work self.

I know I only present certain parts, I don't think I could take the review or judgement for most anyone to know all of me. Then I also realize I don't see all of them either. You see them out with their kids and it's like, amazing to see how they are different. I enjoy that part of being friends, it's like peeling back the layers.

Here's the thing, I know it's hard to let go. There is one or two I really worried about. I'm not that good, but I am dependable. I love these people dearly, and I'm thinking this is similar to what we do for our kids (or so I hear, mine are still at home) in that we have to let them go and try their wings. I'm afraid, probably more so then my friends. It's scary to change. But I have the solid roots that they are part of. And I know the friends will remain friends. Love is the stuff that keeps us togehter.

Change is in the Air

I have spent the last five years in a job that I love. Maybe that's an understatement. One friend tells me (and he's a chaplain so he should know) that I have "work boundary issues." In a recent interview I stated as a strongpoint my "taking ownership" of all jobs I've worked. So it has been a huge surprise that I have announced my departure not only from my department, but also the company.

While I hope I'm not overstating my importance, I have overall been a good employee and have a wide net of aquintances thoughout the hospital. I worked in the ED while in nursing school for two years and met many people, then in my current job where I just extended the base of friendship. It was a very difficult decision to get to this place where I could leave. And I'm hoping that overall since I'm totally changing fields that it will not be seen as "abandoning" this place. I will say, overall, I would take my family there for care, and know that they will get good care.

So what happened? Where am I going? A little over a year ago it was planted in my brain about an AIDs orphange in South Africa that my son supports. I've heard of mission trips for years, even tossed about going, yet never did. I can do a lot of good by raising the funds to send those younger and in better health for that. But this stirred my heart. It's not a direct quote, but John Piper basically says that retirement isn't for us to sit around in, and that has hit a nerve. I told a friend last night, and she was like so you're going to South Africa? I don't know. What I know is that it put a desire to seek God about what should I do? Is there more to my life than just taking care of these adults?

Then came the catalyst. My beloved boss, friend, and co-worker (for she did that as well) had an opportunity that she couldn't say no to. Then she was trying to get me to go with her, and while I loved her for that, it was not something in my heart to do. But it made me consider, what do I want, where do I want to go from here? Now you must realize, I hardly ever search the want ads, throw aways all the offers to "come join our team", so I really didn't know what to do. A friend had just made the move to the ER at the local children's hospital and I began to consider that.

I applied to two jobs, one ER, one heart team. Now I love the heart, really love the heart. I could envision myself on the heart unit, but there was one huge obstacle. I would have to work weekend option and I don't want that. I applied to see how long, would it, could it work. But it would have taken a year to get off weekend option. I really, really wanted that job but it wasn't the time for that. The ER like hadn't called, so I asked while I was there. Seems I had applied for the wrong job. But we got that worked out and then they didn't call. I finally resolved to myself that I needed to make things right where I was, make sure my attitude was good and just continue until I felt God move. Then the ER called. Now, at work, on here I seem very confident, but in that first interview I was HORRIBLE. They offered me the job but not based on my personality. But when I interveiwed in the ED it was totally different. I hit it off with the lady, I was relaxed, she was able to see the real me and she still liked me. As a friend later said, It was right.

So now I have given my notice. There was some kind of glitch and I must NOW apply for the job. Normally I would freak out about that, but I'm okay. I have to give four weeks notice anyway. The plan is to start the new job in January. I'm now reviewing kidlet anatomy, diseases, and movies (must keep up with what interest them). I'm terrified, yet excited.

So ends this post and begins a new chapter.

Princess

Went to see Enchanged today. Took a princess with me. See, I've always had boys, grew up around boys, never around that many girls. So this was a real treat. She's 7, carries a purse, blanket and uses her thumb. It was awesome, the movie was good too.

I'm going to have to upgrade my mental abilities with little ones with the new job. I suspect I may need to borrow the princess again for movies, I mean, how can I relate to kidlets without seeing their movies and all things relavant to their lives? I'm excited! Frankly, I'm not sure that this world of all adult stuff is that great. Adults are way to serious. Consider those around me that don't understand why Eeyore goes places with me, or the adventures he often takes. Consider those that never see the fun in the world. It's not that you ignore "real life" its that you can only survive what you overcome. I overcome with humour, with love and hopefully with kindness.

I fear the change, but then, maybe I'll drive a sword into a dragon (or bus) and maybe I could sing a note or two (yeah, right) and get the mice to clean the house. But maybe I'll sing to myself and make the cleaning pass easier. And maybe we can defeat a real dragon and make the world better for those kidlets.

If not, maybe the princess will let me borrow a corner of her blanket. I have my own thumb (or tootsie pop).