This is a letter I wrote to a friend one day this week when I was struggling with envy. I think most of you can relate a little, hopefully for your sake not to much.
So I need to confess something. It's horrible.
I used to have this friend, she is now a facebook friend. But not a good friend. She is someone that was from my past. Now here is the thing. This girl is dumb, I don't mean a little, I mean really stupid. I'm not being mean, it's the truth. I even tried to help her once with getting a HS diploma, she's dumb.
She divorced her husband, while he was in prison (I believe he was innocent of the actual charge, but that is another issue) and sold all his possessions. She's mean and cruel. Never meet anyone like her. She says she's changed, I'm afraid to have much to do with her, but allowed her to be a FB friend.
She is now married and has horses. I can't stand it. She posted pictures of her "riding" her horse (she was being led around). I can not tell you how much envy came into my heart. You can have the big house, nice cars, whatever, but this dumb as a brick, mean chick has horses. I love the smell of them, the touch of them, being blown on by their noses as they nozzle you. I love the feel of riding, the power of the muscles under you, swimming with them, running with them.... how does she get them????? And not have a clue what she has.
So there, I'm going to get in the shower, pray for forgiveness for coveting my "neighbors" horse and remember that I gave up those dreams for the kingdom of God. Yes, I'll jump right on that. Working on it.
I don't like mean people. Mean people suck. And it seems some mean people get horses. I won't pray she gets bucked off. Nope, I won't do it. Or stomped on. Nope, I won't do it.
That was the end of the letter. It sounds so silly, a horse, but dreams that we give up in order to follow the Lord, those are real. No, the Lord didn't say, "you can't have horses." What did happen is that we had priorities in our life, raising godly children, our life in the church, all those things. It meant that we gave up certain things that maybe we would have enjoyed. Myself, I've often dreamed of having a Holideck like they did on Star Trek, where I could just summon up a good ride or vacation without all the hassle.
But then I remember, "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." And then I'm okay with what I have.