Yucky

Sometimes in my work we come across things that are too horrible for words. Those are the times I find myself holding on to things, and I don't feel comfortable sharing them. Sometimes I do, and I usually regret when that happens. The last few months have been like that. It started with one event, that took me a long time to work through. The kind that invades your dreams, you cry when there is no reason. And when you share, they look at you like, "you are always okay with this stuff." But this time I wasn't. Then there was the tornado. I didn't know the ones that died. I knew a lot of their friends. I met some of them. And I learned the details. Finally the abuse case that the experienced staff said, "The worst I've seen." I didn't see the child, I saw the XRays. I saw the staff that took care of them. And I know. My head is full, my heart is broken, and I don't know how to deal with it. The religious ones would say take it to the Lord. The non-religious would say talk it out (like you can share it), and they would want to help me, but you really can't. It's like the proverbial train wreck. I love being in the traumas, I love helping, and frankly I'm good at it. I'm kinda speechless at this point. Need to talk, can't say the words. I swear I was going to tonight, but I need to contain. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day. Another adventure in what can go wrong with the human body.