The "Procedure"

Okay, I'm soooooooo excited. On Tuesday I get to have a garden hose run up a place where they aren't supposed to go. In fact, very little is supposed to go there. I've had this test before, never particulary cared for it and would rather not do this one. However, I'm not real interested in finding out that "gee, with your family history you should have known this was coming". Now, I'm a critical care nurse, I've helped with these. We do them in the unit on those poor folks that are to ill to go down to the "dark side of the basement". My selection of physicians to do this was actually based on two critieria: one, that the nurses that work in the dark side approve of him and two, that he not be one of the ones I see on a daily basis in the unit. There are some very good ones that come in a lot, and I adore them, however, I'm a touch on the shy side.

Now the next part of that is that I'm already starting the clear liquids. Yes, a little early, but I'm paranoid about not being clear on time. Seems I've had trouble with that in the past. As I was making the Jello today I'm seriously thinking about Jello shots. Oh to have at Fat Doctor advise me on this: would it be acceptable? But on the downside I'm thinking that I couldn't drink enough to last till the procedure is over. He's planning on Fentanyl and Versed. I'm worried about the Fentanyl, I mean, the patients I see that have had that wake up kinda quick. I want to be out longer and like, close to needing a vent. I really, really, really don't want to be awake at ALL for this. I've had other things and basically suggested they just give enough Valium to be able to catch me, talk to me and tell me jokes through the procedure and I'll be fine. NOT THIS TIME. I am a wienny about it.

Then a couple of ladies (the new ones) at the church have discovered the "procedure" is coming but have swore not to mention it to the spouses. See, I'm kinda "returning" to the fold and still not sure of myself around these folks. One of the men spoke to me one day and I had a panic attack - silly, no clue why. I mean, had he dropped to the floor dead I would / could have saved him. Without thinking. So why have no confidence here, not a clue. But, all that is another day. Well, vacation is officially over, must school the kid tomorrow and prepare. Oh joy!!