She Knows It's Coming

Okay, I show up for work in the ICU Thursday.... my orientee is sitting in a chair. Ha you say, so..... So this gal never sits, she is usually 30 minutes early for work, has report underway, makes me look terrible all the time. So I'm thinking, what's wrong......

We start report. Now, I'm not the most observant person in the unit, but I could even tell Zippy ain't feeling so good. First clue, she can't finish a sentence without having to stop for a breath (and when the sentence is "No, I'll stay." it isn't a good sign). Second clue, I've seen pt's that have better colour than she had (you can include 1/2 dead pts in that), third, my co-workers all said she was sick.

Give her credit, Zippy was determined to work!! She refused to go the ER, she said she couldn't drive home, she was gonna work. We had a balloon pump pt and something else, nothing serious. I kept telling her that it was fine for her to stay, when she passed out we could do anything we wanted (the chaplain later told me that this statement was pivotal in her relenting to care while she could control some of it). When she was trying to give the 9am meds and couldn't get the meds down the NG tube and realized that someone would have to help with that - she thought it was stopped up, reality was she was too weak to push the meds, it flushed easily with the healthy nurse. She finally said that maybe she would go to the ER. I knew there was no way this gal was going in a wheelchair, but her audible wheezes were unnerving to me as we walked down to the ER (yeah, not very observant, I didn't hear them with all the racket in the unit, in the hallway, oh my!) And of course, she was breathing 37 times a minute.

I also work in the ER pool, so I was hoping that would speed things up for us, alas, not to be. We got back rather quickly but getting respiratory was a little slow. I went back and forth (I was charge in our unit, hated to be gone long) and Zippy was in good hands. However after her 1 hour updraft and CXR her sat on room air was 85%. I suggested maybe O2 would be in order, but didn't put it on in case they wanted gasses. Epi and steroids were given, and she ended up on 40% veni mask. Long story short(er), she got admitted to ICU for bilateral PE's (blood clots). Two days later she is doing much better, I did manage to care for HER patients without killing any of them, and she is ALMOST cooperating with her care.

I can't tell you how scared I was. We lost a blogger in the fall to this, of course I've seen pts die with it, one of our nurses mom died with one (sorry babe - I know it still hurts and I know you were very scared), and I'm quite attached to the girl. I'm hoping that Zippy will take this serious, will actually cooperate with the docs (we did hand pick them), and will heal quickly. After all, I am having to do my own work, God save the patients!!!!

Tagged - Why I Blog

Survival - I've found that my survival depends on being able to look at most situations and to see if I can make someone laugh when I retell it. I now find myself thinking during the day about how to tell this without violating HIPPA or my friends confidence.

Interaction - I live a fairly sheltered life, seriously!! I love hearing how others respond to what I say and think. There are a few of you out there that have responded so kindly to me, but I also like to challenge main stream thought (except for when I want you to come to the main stream).

Venting - 100% O2..... I try to keep myself out of trouble by changing enough that the idiots won't recognize themselves or the suits either. I have totally refrained, well, most of the time refraned from trashing someone that gives me a paycheck. But come on, there are sooooo many times I just want to scream, "you may have imprinted your image on my forehead, you may give me a paycheck, but I can't keep saying over and over that you 'really' care about my staff when you have everything you need and we don't" and we could go on from there but I suspect most of my readers know what I'm talking about.

Dreams - I finally spoke the words today to a friend, "I would really like to be a children's book reviewer." Possibly even a writer. No, that's not true. I would really love to be a writer. So this is a way for me to fulfill some of that. (I would be really good as a kids book reviewer though).

Freedom- I can talk all day in here without being interrupted once. I can tell the story, edit the story, jazz the story, but you can't stop me *giggle*. This is so freeing.

Too Bummed To Blog

I've not written anything, been busy attending to things belonging to a higher power. This is not the first time I've been involved in a church that was imploding, but this time I'm more detached. It's sad really. Why, why, why? Because we are but frail humans with a sin nature. Now, not everyone believes that, it's okay, but I've seen enough sin nature to convince me. Otherwise, how do you explain the news and what people do to each other.

Today was a new low. Everytime I try to type something about this, I can't. I think I need to leave it at that. Fortunately, this time my source isn't the church, it's the rock. And I hope and pray that I not take my eyes off the rock.

Maybe when I go back to work Thursday the patients will give me something to laugh at.

The Call

The man called asking about his dad. I took the call from the hostess. He hadn't talked to a nurse in about a week. My first question is usually tell me what you know, so I know how to fill in the blanks. He couldn't understand why dad wasn't getting better. It's a safe bet in my unit to discuss heart failure and fluid in the lungs. I educated, read the pet scan results, went through the mans history (and in a unit aren't they all the same??), looked up CT results. I explained about the surgery on Monday (lung biopsy). He still wasn't getting it why dad isn't any better. I'm finally going "look, he's 83 years old, the parts wear out!" "No he's not, he's 72." I'm sure of this one, after all, I can read, "He's 83, right here on the chart." Then I reinterate about the family meeting and how Jim Bob, Sue Bob and his mom were talking with the doctors when he goes, "Who's Jim Bob?" Duh, I say, "Your brother!" Thinking how bad is this connection (in my defense, the phone had been breaking up). "No, my brother is Mark Bob!" Sadly, 47 minutes and 30 seconds into this call I ask, "Who is your family?" It's the Symthe family, I had been telling him about the Smuth family......

You must understand, I had been tired, hungry, and the last part of the talk a little exasperated. My staff is now rolling on the floor as I tell one of them that this call is actually for them...... Could they please talk to the man who surely (and maybe rightfully) thinks I'm an idiot. Needless to say the HIPPA police will probably take me away when I go back......

Naked Patients

First might I say, why is the only patients that want to be naked are the ones we don't want to look at??? *sudder*

Overheard: "Now Mr. Smith, why do you keep taking your clothes off?" said the cute young nurse.

"Because I breathe better naked!" was the hasty reply.

Why

Yet again the patient didn't make it. I don't know the details, I wasn't there, but I got to clean up the emotions after. He was only a few years older than me with a preteen child. My staff was upset, they weren't expecting it. Yes, he was on a balloon pump, but geez, we see a lot of people recover after that. So why are we so surprized that this one didn't make it? Because we do our job well. He talked, laughed and joked up until he coded.

Why do we walk away from these cases saying, "what did I miss" "could I have done something different". Because we are exactly what a nurse should be. We care. This was OUR patient, he deserved the best and we gave it to him. We tried. Fifty years ago he wouldn't have had this chance, actually more like 15 years ago. We give good care. And because of that, we cry, we have bad dreams, we analyze every move we made. And I hope we never stop.

I hope if I ever do become the patient my nurse cares enough to cry at times, that she or he would think of each move they make. This time it's a healthy cry. We lost, but with the process of reviewing what we did, we also gain a respect of the fact that our patients, even when the laugh and joke, are very sick. And they need us, to be there for them.

Amazing Grace

We all left home tonight, three seperate vehicles. I only anticipated seeing one child at the concert, instead all of us were there. How strange that we, having children of this age (early twenties, teenager) should all end up at a choral concert at a church that none of us attends on a Friday night. The music was beautiful, this choir and orchastra will be leaving next week to travel to England to sing at the church where John Newton wrote most of his hymns.

It is Amazing Grace

Jellybeans

I like them, a lot. I'm type II diabetic, had a drug rep dinner tonight with dessert. I have a bag of jellybeans in my room. I want them, yet I know I should not.

Blast the evel (can't remember what movie that is a quote from) nurse that recently gave me jellybeans and reminded me how much I love them. The evil little things, so full of favor. So tempting....

Know what makes me do better control..... looking at patients. I don't want to be one. I constantly am reminded that I must exercise, eat better, so that I'm not a patient and that I can live to see my grandchildren grow up and marry. This would be the grandchildren that are not only not on the way but of the children that aren't married (only one is dating currently).

Anyway, maybe one jellybean...... maybe not.

Spring

This time of year is when I always wish I lived on a farm or ranch. I'm smart enough to know there's a ton of work to it, but the rewards are there as well. I have a friend who's parents raise sheep. I want to go in the next few weeks and see the lambs. There's just something about babies, lambs, basically innocence that we need more of in our lives.

There are many spiritual points I could make at this time, but I will leave them to you to point out. I had another favorite patient (actually more the family was a favorite, never really knew the pt) die, on Easter actually. Just as there are many other photo's I could post to hint at spring (oh, it's been a cold snap here as well, doesn't even feel like spring) we all know about the seasons and God's timing. However, my head hurts, I need to clean, and you can just think about lambs and Easter.......

Promised Photos

This is the obit written by the child in seminary. I have great hope for the future with this child as a spiritual leader. The eldest child has written a song, the youngest is in mourning. I wonder if, since he died so close to Easter, if Fat Tuesday will rise again....


On April 5th 2007 at 7:30 p.m. a dear friend and family member was murdered in a crime of passion by a toy-obsessed, energetic, addict, puppy. The dog is now in custody but the loss will be great.

Known to some as the one you hope you don’t pick up in the claw machine, Fat Tuesday turned out to be a diamond in the rough. He was a photogenic icon for many people. To some he might have represented a very important religious time. However, his family knew that religion wasn’t what Fat Tuesday was all about. You see to Phat it wasn’t about trivial events or even very good hair upkeep. What Phat cared about was peace, love, and ironically he loved animals. It was that love that ultimately led to his demise. He was warm and cuddly all the way down to his soft cottony insides.

He is survived by the xxxx family, including Aaron his primary caregiver and best friend.

A graveside service will be held on Friday April the 6th at 5:30ish for family and close friends (or anyone else) at the family's backyard.

Tentative Speakers include:

Stephen
John Michael
Jonathan
Aaron

And tentatively:
Pastor John Piper (Bethlehem Baptist Church)
Coach Stan Heath (SFU Basketball Coach)
Benedict XVI (Pope)
Matt Redman (British)
Bill Cosby (Fat Albert)
Kenan Thompson (Fat Albert)
Mike Huckabee (Future President of the United Stated)

A special musical tribute is also expected by Nick Cannon (hilarious) but if not Jonathan will do it.

100 Posts

This is my 101st post. Can't believe, I know, what an amazing feat. And for all two of you that read me you wonder how I filled the pages with such, well, whatever.

Todays note is hopefully a you tube event my son sent me.



Lets try......

What Have I Created?

I'm having trouble with the photo here, will work on that. The boys announced tonight that Fat Tuesday was dead. The dog killed it. Fat Tuesday is the doll, oops action figure won out of a claw machine at the movies. Fat Tuesday has had quite a ride, literally actually... front seat of jeep, trip to the zoo, no telling where else.

Since Fat Tuesday is dead, they are now in the kitchen painting him the proper colour cyanotic, including having a cap on his head to keep from discolouring his hair. The obit is being written.... What if they had applied this much work to their school.

Tomorrow I shall get permission to download a proper picture (I had planned on doing that anyway about the trip to the zoo) and possibly the obit. *shakes her head in wonder*

Winding Roads

Even wonder what would have happened had some event in your life had been different? In my case, what if my parents hadn't moved here when I was 6? What if they moved to a different state? Would I have married someone totally different? Would I still have become a nurse? What all would be different?

Another thought: Ever look at people you pass and wonder what they are thinking? What is their life like? What do they think of you? In doing patient care sometimes I wonder how I come accross to them, do they see that I care? Do they know that sometimes I cry when their loved ones die? I think of some families even now several years after I cared for them. Do my co-workers know I really mean the stuff when I say how much I enjoy them? Am I always bitchy and whiny (today was bad, I was a bitch)? I mistook a pt's family member the other day, he doesn't know how horrible I felt about it.... my brain is really bad on stuff like that.

I'm overall content with my life, sometimes I wonder, but not to change it as much as to think. Would I change it? A few things yes, but mostly no. I wouldn't be who I am without it (then again, maybe that would be good). Maybe I'm tired and need some sleep.... yep, that is true.

Must See You-Tube

I'm still laughing and I needed it so. And free psych help to boot.

http://psychiatrist-blog.blogspot.com

Go to the April Fools You-Tube stuff and watch the dead deer.

Please note, I'm prone to switching to Spanish at work when my name is called to often. Phrases I know:
No hables ingles
Mi gusta mucho Eyeore
No en casa

The Storm

I'm not afraid to admit I'm afraid of storms, always have been, can't imagine it changing now. Last night though, was an awesome storm. Now that it's over, I can admit, it scared the pee out of me and from what I hear from others, them too.

Set up: I took my son to karate at the church (yeah, it is weird) and decided I would just wait on him. I had a book to read, I'm happy. The storm started while we were there, I could hear hail bouncing off the roof, on checking it was pea to marble sized. But I was safe, it was good. After the lesson we were running out to the truck when I realized I was going to have to run through the rain (I had on crocs, bad choice) with the lightening so frequent you couldn't out run it. I ran..

So now we're driving down the road, all good, when it really began to hail. Now, I can't reproduce the sound, but it was BAM, BAM, BAM BAAM.... lightening POW POW POW, I'm sure somewhere in there I might have been screaming... but then I'm not sure. The amazing part was where, again, I'm driving like 45 mph down the road and the lights in the businesses and the street lights start going out in progression as we are driving. NOT MAKING THIS UP!! It was bizarre. I would have pulled over but frankly there wasn't anywhere that seemed safe and I was almost home.

Today I found out that we passed a substation that had a fire. But stranger, my husband works for an electric utility, people that were in for a meeting were staying at a hotel close and saw lightening hit a pole in a fireball, travel down the line to a gas station, come back towards them and headed in the direction of the substation. Even talking about it now brings back the stark raving fear I felt.

Today, in remembering all this, I also thought of the scripture where Elijah was in the cave and God passed by. Several things happened, but one was a storm. It was only in the quiet, still voice that Elijah heard God. My thought was even if God was talking if it was a storm like that I don't think Elijah could have heard him over the hail. Now now, God doesn't mind if we project our little thoughts like this. With it all over I can say, I was impressed. Think of all we do to make electric light shows and fireworks, what God does with a little warm / cold front is really impressive.

I teased the boys that stayed here this weekend that they would have to sleep with the dogs, we did last night, they were as scared as I was. The smaller border collie slept between us and didn't move all night except to cuddle closer. Very similar to when the kids used to crawl in bed with us.......

The Wedding

It was a small wedding, not fancy, but very sweet. One of my co-workers that I have been blessed to have as a friend, her daughter was getting married. Now, I must confess I look at most situations I find myself in for the humour that I might pull out. So I was seeking a good time.

My role was to be the person that did "whatever needs to be done" or otherwise unassigned tasks. It was a good fit for me. I made myself available for the day prior to the wedding, and of course the big day.

I've had this running joke with this girl over the church she attends, so I had the priviledge of actually stepping foot inside it. (she does the same with me, don't feel sorry for her). I looked around, and said, "so this is what a **name of the denomination**** church looks like." Then called another friend that attends a similar church and announced to her, "guess where I'm at???"

Silly folks, they let me help decorate and then do errands with her. It went well. I was beginning to feel like the next day was doable.....

Day of wedding.... we pick up the cake. I was not expecting sooooo many boxes, then the terror of the car ride out to the curch. What if I dropped the CAKE!!! The PRESSURE!!! Spouse and #1 son were doing the video and the pictures so they had lots on their plates as well.

Next point of interest. Did you know that you are supposed to make the sherbert punch early? I didn't. I was told to not make it until after the wedding but I got adventurous and started right before the ceremony. Thank goodness I did!!! The stuff is supposed to melt and blend. I didn't know that. I can save your life but I know nothing about punch. Needless to say, the start of the reception was rough. However, some very kind folks stepped up to the plate and helped me.

I also enjoy watching people. Like the ones that came in and looked at the snacks we set out (no real meal was announced - it was just snacks, cake and punch) and started asking, "wheres the real food?" I felt like praying and asking Jesus to do another wedding thing. I mean come on, this is a simple wedding, no one has tons of money here, you weren't promised a meal. Also noticing the people that enjoy helping verses the people that are helpless.

All in all, a good time was had by those that wanted it. I learned a few things, her next wedding (she has 3 daughters) I will be happy to help again. Because when all is said and done, you help your friends. And I have 3 sons and will need help when it's my turn........

Internet gods

We are currently trying to be kind and gentle to the internet gods that have decided to play with our heads. One of us is in a foul temper about it, actually several of us since the boys are having to leave the nest at home to do homework at a local business. We are offering refuge to a repairman from the cable company tomorrow between the hours of 2p -5p for him to come appease the beast. We hope this one is wise and compassionate. :) We do not like to not have our internet. Any known appropriate sacrifices (please note - the children have willingly offered the kats.... but I can't see the internet gods liking kats either).