Yet again the patient didn't make it. I don't know the details, I wasn't there, but I got to clean up the emotions after. He was only a few years older than me with a preteen child. My staff was upset, they weren't expecting it. Yes, he was on a balloon pump, but geez, we see a lot of people recover after that. So why are we so surprized that this one didn't make it? Because we do our job well. He talked, laughed and joked up until he coded.
Why do we walk away from these cases saying, "what did I miss" "could I have done something different". Because we are exactly what a nurse should be. We care. This was OUR patient, he deserved the best and we gave it to him. We tried. Fifty years ago he wouldn't have had this chance, actually more like 15 years ago. We give good care. And because of that, we cry, we have bad dreams, we analyze every move we made. And I hope we never stop.
I hope if I ever do become the patient my nurse cares enough to cry at times, that she or he would think of each move they make. This time it's a healthy cry. We lost, but with the process of reviewing what we did, we also gain a respect of the fact that our patients, even when the laugh and joke, are very sick. And they need us, to be there for them.
4 comments:
Oh my. Your heartache is evident. That's the reason I read you - caring pours through your words.
Peace,
FD
My heart goes out to you. I'm sending you a cyber hug.
Thanks for the post. I really had a hard time going to sleep last night after you called me. I know things like that happen, but I guess I'm still green enough to still be overwhelmed when it does. As I said on the phone, I just wasn't expecting it. I can see from your post time that you had difficulty sleeping too. Hope you had a better day today.
Love you!!!
You sound like a wonderful and compassionate nurse. :)
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