Giving

This morning Fat Doctor spoke about patients giving gifts to her and some of the residents. It brought to mind how many patients have brought us gifts in the unit. It's really sweet when someone takes the time to do something like that. One family that I had spent a lot of time with heard me asking for Whoppers from the drugstore and bought me a huge carton of them. Others have brought all kinds of things for us to eat (and we love it!).

Why do they give, after all, they will have a huge bill to pay. For the same reason that we offer coffee to the lineman that restores our power, we (and they) are the personal part of the whole. I would never think to write "thank you" on my check to the electric company, but on a snowy day I'll offer coffee to the lineman outside. I know he's being paid well, but still, it's a human thing. I can "do my job" without getting attached, or offering comfort, or those hugs and pats, but that's not who I am. I do piss people off, I tell the truth, hopefully in a kind way, but somedays they don't get "mama's gonna die" until you say it that way.

Recently we had an employee's mom in the unit. The day I came back from vacation I asked how mom was because I hadn't seen her yet. She told me they wanted her to make her a DNR and she just didn't think she could. We talked for a long time, then I went to see her mother. She was dying as we spoke. I got the daughter (she was on the job), told her she needed to take off NOW and we could call her supervisor if needed, but she needed to be with mom. She died about an hour later with the daughter at the bedside, still not aware that mama was not coming back. A month later she asked me how I knew she needed to be there. It was so sweet, I was just going to get coffee that day when I stopped to talk to her. Her mom wasn't my patient. I wasn't charge. But I still cared. That's why people bring us gifts, and yes, I will accept.

The most difficult for me to see is a man that I cared for his wife in the ER. He's an employee, environmental services. It's my only patient to die in the ER on me. The doctor wanted to send her home and I didn't know better at the time. The man went home to get ready for work, she coded and died while he was gone. He was never mad at me, never showed anger. Later he told me she said she was going to die. But I see him every week, he says hello, and I still feel guilty. But I did learn, I know a lot more now and would never send someone home with those labs. I'm sorry bud.