Rough Day

Our patient / nurse ratio is usually 2:1, today I had 4 nurses that were 3:1. While I know that a lot of RN's have a tougher patient load, this is critical care. Two of the nurses that were tripled had patients die, both of these were expected deaths but we have bonded with the families. One I have previously written about, well known in the community, family man and I suspect not very religious. The other was an older lady but she was obviously well loved by her family. It plays on your emotions. Tonight I am very tired and drained. I do know what the families are going through, my dad died in our unit several years ago before I while I was in nursing school. Do I feel their pain, yes and no. Yes I understand and I can pull those emotions out of me. I often share with families my experience to help them make decisions. But yet, I don't know this person like they do, and yet often I get very attached to the family and I have to believe that they were special because I see the product of their love.

Then today and yesterday both I had to confront a staff member about unacceptable behaviour. I can't describe how difficult that is for me. Different situations both times, but yet it had to be done. In one case it was disrespect shown to me, and while in some ways I don't care I respresent authority in the unit and I am considered part of administration. In the other, a nurse refused his assignment and that had to be dealt with. So basically, they were they same thing but voiced differently. I would have preferred today to just take the new patient and let it go, but I can't always do that. And to recognize that the problem is deeper than just one patient. This time it would have been easy to fix, but the next time it could mean whether or not someone lives or dies. And actually I did take the patient, I did hang the meds that fixed the problem and I did relieve the stress, but he said no when no was not an acceptable answer.

I love my job. I love getting a new patient and being able to do something that makes a difference. It's sweet!!! Nursing is the coolest job you can have. And they pay me for this!!!!! Hopefully tomorrow when I'm on my third day I'll remember this last paragraph and not focus on the one before. That being said, I'm off to bed.